My foray into giant vulva costuming didn’t start out as a political statement.

Four years ago, I ended up talking about vaginas several times within the span of a couple months. I don’t remember why. All I know is that I ended up with a reputation among my friends as being The One Who Constantly Talks About Vaginas.

Thus, when V was selected for that year’s letter-themed Halloween party, I knew what I had to do. People had high expectations and I did not want to disappoint.

But recently it feels like every day there’s another reason to walk around dressed up as a giant vulva. In 2015, 17 states passed 57 TRAP laws restricting access to abortion – a legal medical procedure, supposedly guaranteed by the constitution. This past April I wore my original costume to a protest against an Indiana law (signed by then-Governor, now Vice President-elect Mike Pence) requiring the cremation or burial of all fetal remains, including natural miscarriages. Following that, Texas decided to implement a similar rule  (though notably, the Texas rule would not apply to miscarriages), Ohio’s legislature passed a bill banning abortion after 6 weeks (before many women even know they are pregnant), and the GOP has confirmed it is defunding Planned Parenthood as part of the Obamacare repeal (even though no federal funding pays for abortions and Planned Parenthood is a vital source of health care services for many lower income women and men).

 

So here are instructions for making your very own giant vulva costume. A disclaimer up-front: I made it up as I went along. I’ve never owned a sewing machine (though I did use a friend’s to make it). I definitely wasn’t measuring anything, so take what follows below as more of a general guide that I reverse engineered after-the-fact rather than an exact recipe.

That said, I think I stumbled upon a fairly easy way to make a pretty spectacular looking vulva. It’s also very comfortable and easy to wear.

Overview:

The costume is comprised of two main parts: 1) the outer labia pillow, and 2) the everything-else apron. (Optional third part: clitoral hood hat. Yes, the clit is your face.) The outer labia pillow covers up all the rough edges on the everything-else apron, so you don’t have to worry about being super exact or careful. I think it took me ~3 hours start to finish, but an experienced crafter with a sewing machine could probably do it in half that time.

For the instructions, I tried to err on the side of being over-explain-y, and break things down into a lot of simple steps. If you find anything confusing (or have a suggestion for how to do it better), please leave a comment and I’ll either clarify or expand the post. Pictures below are generally the right shape, but not strictly to scale (especially not the stitches and margins, because tiny pictures).

Materials:

• Three colors of fabric (all of these measurements are approximate):
  • Outer labia: two 48 inch x 30 inch rectangles somewhere on the porcelain-to-ebony skin-color spectrum
  • Inner labia: one 24 inch x 24 inch square + one 60 inch x 20 inch rectangle of some shade of pink/red/maroon/brown
  • Vagina: one 24 inch x 24 inch square of dark maroon/brown or black
  • Optional: extra fabric for a clitoral hood hat, in either the outer labia or inner labia color
• Lots of fiber fill / pillow stuffing. I think I used 3 x 1 lb bags and I wish I had used more – even if you puff it out initially, it settles over time.
• 8 ft of ribbon, color not important (I used strips of fabric – it works okay, but they are now frayed, which is mildly annoying)
• Scissors
• Sewing machine, hot glue gun, and/or needle and thread (for hand-sewing). Thread color should ideally match the inner labia fabric color.
• Any extra decorations (e.g., yarn or fabric glue for pubic hair, rhinestones for vajazzles)

The outer labia pillow:

1. Take one of the 48 inch x 30 inch rectangles of outer labia fabric and fold it in half long-wise. If there is an inside/outside to your fabric, the outside should be facing in.

2. Sew or glue both sides of the fabric along one short edge and the long edge, leaving about a ½ inch margin.

3. Turn it inside out. You’ll just have to imagine this step because I can’t draw it.

4. Repeat steps 1-3 with the second 48 inch x 30 inch rectangle of outer labia fabric.

5. Stuff both rectangles (aka, both outer labia) with poly fill until they are adequately plump. The fill will settle over time, so don’t be stingy or pack it too loosely. Then smoosh the poly fill down to the bottom to leave some room at the top for you to work with during the next step.

6. Sew or glue the open edges of both labia together, sealing them in the process. I did this part by hand because the outer labia are fairly bulky when stuffed, and I was too intimidated to try to deal with them and the sewing machine at the same time.

• In my original costume, I overlapped the two labia so one labia stuck out in each direction; thus, there is a layer of extra fabric flapping around on top. It’s barely noticeable when I’m wearing the costume, but ideally you want to overlap the two labia on top of each other (i.e., sticking out in the same direction) so both layers of extra fabric can be hidden below (rather than one above and one below) later.
• I let the fabric of each labia overlap by about 2 inches because I’m not very good with a sewing machine and wanted to give myself room to work with the unwieldy labia, but ideally you’d probably leave more like 1 inch of overlap.

7. Now that the labia are sealed and attached together on the top end, attach them on the bottom end. Since the bottom edges of the labia are already sealed, you don’t need to sew or glue along the whole side – I just hand-sewed both corners together.

8. I was making my costume for a letter-themed Halloween party, so I vajazzled my labia to get extra points (Scattergories style). If you want, you could decorate yours with yarn or fabric paint to make pubic hair. Make sure to decorate the front (i.e., the side without the seam). Otherwise you’re done!

The everything else apron:

9. Take the 24 inch x 24 inch square of darker vagina fabric and the 24 inch x 24 inch square of brighter inner labia fabric and overlay them. If there is an inside/outside to your fabrics, they should both be facing up, with the lighter fabric on top.

10. Sew them together around the edges leaving about a ½ inch margin. If you attach all four edges, you can use the vagina as a purse / candy pouch. If you don’t care about that and are trying to cut down on sewing labor, you can just attach the top and the bottom.

11. Orient the square so the dark side is facing down and the light side is facing up. Cut a vertical slit in the light layer that is about 10 inches long, runs down the center of the fabric, and is about equidistant from the top and bottom. Cut smaller slits in the sides of the fabric on both sides of the big slit: on each side, cut ~1.5 inch slits at the midpoint, and ~3/4 inch slits about one-quarter and three-quarters of the way down. Fold the newly created flaps of fabric underneath to create an almond shaped vaginal opening.

13. Hand-sew or glue the flaps into place to secure the vagina.

14. Take the 60 inch by 20 inch rectangle of inner labia fabric. Fold it in half long-wise (outside of fabric facing out if applicable).

15. Overlay it on the vaginal square so it is in a loop with both short edges lining up with the bottom of the vaginal square and the long folded edge towards the center on both sides. Sew or glue the inner labia to the vaginal square along both bottom edges and at one point on the top edge, toward the outside of the inner labia fabric.

17. Cut the ribbon into four 2 ft long sections. Attach one ribbon to the midpoint of each sides of the vaginal square (to tie around your waist) and two ribbons to the top of the vaginal square (to tie around your neck).

To wear the costume, tie both sets of ribbons on the apron, put the inner labia loop around your neck, and then drape the outer labia over your head. I usually wear a pair of black leggings and a red top underneath it.

For the costume’s debut, I also took a square of extra fabric and draped it over my head like a shawl for the clitoral hood hat. However, I never found a good way to secure it, and it kept slipping out of place. Therefore, in more recent outings, I haven’t had a clitoral hood, just for simplicity’s sake.